Father of mine
by sweetStellar17
Summary: Just Quistis and I making the characters from FINAL FANTASY VIII do what ever we want them to do!
1. Father of mine

hi it's Kairi again(unfortunately without Quistis) and this is a funny little story Quistis and i thought up that totally shows the characters from FINAL FANTASY VIII in their purest forms-idiots! Squall is kind of the same, only he doesn't like Rinoa as much anymore, Rinoa is a preppy idiot. Irvine is a perverted wannabe pimp(and he also thinks that he's black), Zell is depressed and unloved, Selphie is a total hippie,(as if she weren't already, the only problem is she's actually the smartest one), and it seems like Quistis is constantly PMSing! oh yeah-i don't own FINAL FANTASY VIII or any of the other FINAL FANTASY stories in the FINAL FANTASY series! please R&R! 

Time was safe thanks to Squall and his friends, but now that he was a SeeD, kept the world from being enslaved by a crazed scantily-clad sorceress, he really didn't see the point of being with Rinoa Hartily anymore. Rinoa was the most beautiful girl he ever met, but even he knew it wouldn't hurt to have some more brains, or boobs for that matter! Squall and his friends now lived in Ester with the president Laguna, he was some perverted old guy so everyone thought that he was Irvine's father, but man were they off!

Rinoa walked into Squalls' room with that puzzled blonde look she always wore on her face, "Hey Squall!" she said as happy as could be, "The czar of Mexico wants to see us downstairs, he says it's important that you be there...and they have free brownies.." she said in an ashamed tone wiping some remaining crumbs of brownie off her face. Rinoa always called President Laguna the czar of Mexico, she even once invited a bum off the streets into the Presidents mansion once and said that he was the queen of Russia and that her majesty was very hungry. "Come on!" she urged, pulling Squall off of his bed, "Zell is reading one of his really depressing poems before the czar of Mexico talks to us!" she said and the two left the room and went into the dining room.

"She said that I was really ugly, so I stabbed myself, she said that she didn't like my huge and overrated tattoo on my face, so I stabbed her. But then after I realized that I didn't like the tattoo either, I stabbed myself again, then when I realized that she made me get the tattoo in the first place, I stabbed her again, but then when I realized-",

" Oh shut up and sit, here comes the president!" Quistis yelled, interrupting Zell in the process.

Zell sighed and sat down, "I thought your poem was wonderful Zell." Selphie said fluffing her hair.

"I thought it sucked." Zell replied.

"We're here!" Rinoa called from the hallway.

"Who invited Miss Prissy- pants!" Quistis asked sinking in her chair. Rinoa walked in with Squall on her arm and looked around,

"Where's the czar of Mexico?" she asked looking around.

"He's still having that 'meeting' in his office, I think he forgot again this time." Quistis said.

"Well I say we go and check it out!" Irvine said proudly.

"Yeah, that would be a perfect plan except for one little problem-nobody asked you!" Quistis snapped.

"Nobody asks anything anymore." Zell said in a depressed tone.

"I think it's a wonderful idea, I've always wanted to see what goes on in those meetings of his." Rinoa agreed.

"You had a thought?" Quistis asked.

"Hey! Why do you always have to be so mean?" Rinoa asked.

"Because Rinoa, in case you haven't noticed, I don't like you guys." Quistis replied.

"Let's just go!" Squall exclaimed, and with that everyone got up and left the dining room table. Following Squall, everyone went into the Presidents office, which was surprisingly blaring music.

"H-Hey, that sounds like music to my ears- stripping music!" Irvine exclaimed putting his ear to the door.

"What's going on in there?" Selphie asked.

"We're all gonna die anyway, what does it matter?" Zell asked.

Rinoa gasped, "We are! I hope I go to heaven so I can see my mommy!" Rinoa said.

"I say we go in." Irvine said.

"Uh-huh, and once again-nobody asked you!" Quistis snapped.

"Oh shut up! You know you only say stuff like that because I turn you on!" Irvine exclaimed.

"WHAT!" Quistis asked.

"Come on you guys, I wanna know what the czar of Mexico wants to tell us!" Rinoa pleaded.

"Yeah, it's got a great beat going on in there, I say we crash this party!" Selphie cheered,

"Uck, you are so white!" Irvine exclaimed,

"So are you!" Selphie countered.

"I'm actually bi- facial." Irvine said folding his arms,

"You are not! You're white as butter, so just drop the whole 'I'm black' thing!" Quistis hissed.

"Don't be hatin' yo!" Irvine exclaimed putting up the Westside sign.

"Irvine shut up you're white let's go." Squall said opening the door and just how Irvine had said, it was stripper music playing because strippers(and most of Ester's most respected politicians) were all over the office dancing. Red and blue lights flashed everywhere as the six walked deeper into the office,

"I told you Quistis--Westside!" Irvine exclaimed throwing up the gang sign again,

"Stop that!" Quistis exclaimed punching Irvine, and he fell to the floor.

"Where's the czar of Mexico?" Rinoa asked, then a politician pulled her to the middle of the floor,

"Hey everybody, that stripper Blue Angel is here!" he exclaimed. All of the politicians hooted and hollered as Rinoa looked around. A platinum pole was lowered and exotic music began to play,

"Show us what you're workin' with honey!" one shouted throwing a ten dollar bill at her. Rinoa looked down, then bent over to pick it up, "Yeah baby, shake that sweet ass!" another called, and three more threw twenty dollar bills at her. Rinoa bent down and picked those up too, "Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!" the three exclaimed looking down Rinoa blouse, "Show us tits!" one called, then they all began to chant, "SHOW US TITS! SHOW US TITS!". Rinoa looked around at everyone, then began to undo her shirt and dance around. The crowd went wild as Rinoa removed her cape and began to dance on the pole.

"Rinoa?" Squall asked as he tried to see what was going on, but all he saw was the top of the pole and perverted old guys going crazy.

"What's going on!" Quistis asked,

"I don't know, but it's kinky, and I like it!" Irvine exclaimed as he grabbed a cup of beer and began to dance with a topless stripper.

"I say we have some fun!" Selphie called over the crowd.

As a politician passed by he handed everyone cups, "Great party Laguna!" he said to Squall, obviously drunk.

"I'm not the president-and I'm too young too drink!" he replied.

"Good one sir." the man replied, "Of course you're the president, or you'd have to be arrested for trespassing." the man said.

"Did I say I wasn't the president? I meant I wouldn't be the president if I didn't drink myself sick!" Squall lied. As the politician left, Squall turned to Quistis, Selphie and Zell, "Well now what?" he asked.

"We've gotta find Rinoa and get out of here!" Selphie exclaimed.

"But where should we start looking?" Quistis asked.

"Let's split up, when you find her, turn off the power, then turn it back on, that's how we'll all know!" Squall said.

"Alright." Quistis nodded.

"Life is a drag." Zell said, and everyone split up.

Quistis looked around in disgust, "Why would the president throw an old people rave, it doesn't make any since," she began.

Just then, a politician grabbed her arm, "Hey little lady, you wanna have some fun?" he asked.

"Don't touch me!" she replied and swatted him away.

As Selphie tried to make her way through the crowd, she saw a lonely woman sitting at the bar. She was wearing a short red dress with red pumps and red lipstick. Feeling a sense of remorse to the old haggard woman, she made her way to the bar and sat down beside her. "Hi, my name is Selphie, what's your name?" she asked putting her hand out.

"Amanda." the woman replied, her voice was extremely low.

"Well hi Amanda, why aren't you out having a good time?" Selphie asked.

"Well, none of the guys really like me." the 'woman' replied crossing her legs, she was very buff, and it looked like Selphie discovered why no one liked her. Selphie's whole face quickly turned pale, "You know what, you're really cute, seeing young girls like you actually makes me wanna put on a suite and give life as a man another try." he said. Selphie swallowed hard, and the man crossed his legs again and stared at her, "You know I really don't understand why anyone would want to be a woman, I mean these thongs are murder on my testacles." he began as he scratched his upper thighs.

"Well when you don't really have anything down there it doesn't hurt." Selphie replied, sitting stiffly now.

"Oh I know especially when no one's down there, I've just always wanted to be a woman and experience-well, you know, being-",

"Well, I've heard hard quite enough, thank you Amanda, bye!" Selphie said quickly running away from the bar.

"Hmph, women." he sighed and took off his wig.

Squall looked through the crowd of men as he pushed his way closer and closer to the big window where Laguna's desk was, from there he could see the whole office. He tried to look at the desk, but it looked like people dancing on it! "What in the world is going on?" he asked.

Zell slowly pulled himself through the crowd, "(sigh) This place is so depressing, being around all these women and knowing that all of them think I'm hideous is a drag, life's a drag." he said.

Just then a topless stripper jumped in front of Zell, "Hey cutie, you wanna dance?" she asked.

"You don't think I'm ugly?" he asked with joy in his tone.

"Of course I do, but I'm a stripper, and strippers are here to make ugly guys like you feel loved even though you're not." she said.

"Wow, OK, I'll dance with you." he said.

"You got gil sweetie?" she asked.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed.

"Then you've got yourself a dance sugar!" she exclaimed and the two began to dance.

Squall finally made his way up to the desk, and saw that it was Laguna dancing with the strippers! "P-President Laguna!" Squall asked, his face as red as a tomato.

"S-Squall, what are you doing here!" Laguna asked as he stopped dancing and jumped off the desk.

"I should be the one asking that same question! I thought you had something that you wanted to tell us!" Squall said.

"Well, um, about that, you see Squall, the reason I had Ellone send you those memories of me and why I let you, your hoes and those guys stay with me is because, well, I'm kind of your dad." Laguna said nervously.

"You're what!" Squall asked.

"Well I am your dad." he confessed.

"And this is how you tell me! By throwing some rave, like you're some kind of out of control teenager off of the Jenny Jones Show!" Squall asked.

"Well technically this party isn't for you, it's actually one of my meetings." Laguna said leaning back on his desk and taking a sip of his beer. Squall slapped the cup out of his hand, "Hey, what was that for!" Laguna asked.

"We need to talk, now!" Squall exclaimed.

"Hey, I'm the parent, I'll say when we need to talk!" Laguna shouted.

**Announcer : Will Squall and Laguna duke it out? Will Selphie ever talk to another lonely looking woman at bars ever again? When will Quistis get off her period? And when will I get my lap dance from Rinoa? All will be revealed in the next chapter!**


	2. Surprise Visit!

hi, this is Kairi and i'm happy to report that Quistis is back and so is our baby brother Bobby!(he's a year old!) well, we don't own FINAL FANTASY VIII, please R&R!  
  
"There's nothing to talk about!" Laguna exclaimed over the music, "What do you mean there's nothing to talk about?! Look all around you, there are strippers here and you're supposed to be the president of Ester!" Squall exclaimed. "Uh-huh." Laguna replied, a lost gaze on his face. "What are you looking at, a stripper?" Squall asked and looked in the same direction as Laguna, and let's when he saw Rinoa sliding down the strippers pole in only her bra and panties. Squall's face went red as he ran over to the pole.  
  
Meanwhile, Irvine was making conversation with some strippers, "Wow, so you're really a black pimp but you put on this disguise so no one would find you?" one asked. "Of course ladies, I'm a p.i.m.p., word to your mother son." he replied and threw up the Westside sign again. Then a black stripper walked over to Irvine, "You ain't no pimp, you just some white boy who listens to too much Eminem and 50 Cent!" she began, "Trick!" Irvine started, "Don't make me raise my hand to you woman!" he exclaimed. Just then Quistis saw Irvine and ran over to him, "Irvine, have you seen any sign of Rinoa yet?" she asked. Irvine didn't answer right away, and Quistis looked all the strippers over. "So who are your friends Irvine?" she asked, "We work for pimp-daddy-Irvine, he's actually a black man who had to put on this disguise so the white man wouldn't find out he's a black soul brother!" one stripper said. "Irvine, why are you telling these gullible strippers that you're black, you're as white as my teeth!" Quistis exclaimed grabbing him by his ear and pulling him away from the other strippers. "Ewwww! What was that for, why you always playa hatin'?" Irvine asked. "Listen PLAYER!" Quistis began, pulling Irvine down to her height, "We've gotta find Rinoa and get out of here before Laguna spots us!" she said. "Word dawg, I'll go look for that trick and we'll be out word!" he exclaimed. "Quistis squeezed his ear even tighter. "I mean, I'll help too!" he said, Quistis smiled and let him go. "Trick." Irvine mumbled.  
  
Selphie looked around, "I still can't find Rinoa anywhere, maybe she left." she said putting her hands on her hips. "Hey sweet thang!" a drunk politician started, grabbing Selphie's arm. "Um, hello, I'm Selphie, what's your name?" she asked nervously. Without a saying a word, the politician pulled Selphie over to a table covered in drinks and sat her down in one of the chairs. "We're gonna play a little game sugar." he began, "It's Selphie." she reminded him, "Whoever can drink the most wins five-hundred gil, and if you win I'll split it with ya Semen." he said, "Selphie!" she countered. "Ready, set, go!" someone shouted and all the politicians around her began to drink, "What do I do?" she asked. "Drink!" he said, Selphie picked up a glass and began to drink. "It tastes bad!" she exclaimed, "Just drink!" the politician replied, she uneasily shrugged and began to chug down more shots of whiskey.  
  
"Hey Miss stripper?" Zell started, "What is it honey?" she asked dancing still. "Well, I was just wondering, will you marry me? Everyone else thinks I'm too ugly to be with, but you like me for who I am, and mom always said that's what really matters." Zell said. The stripper stopped dancing, "What makes you think that I'm any different? You know what, you can keep your gil kid, you're crazy." she said, and walked away. Zell dropped to his knees, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he exclaimed, "I AM UNLOVED AND HIDEOUS, NO ONE LOVES ME!!!!! I WISH I WERE NOW I BLOCK OF CHEESE SO SOMEONE WOULD EAT ME!!!! I FEEL SO IGNORANT FOR ASKING A STRIPPER TO MARRY ME!!! WHY ME?????!!!! WHY ALWAYS ME??!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!!!!" Zell said.  
  
Squall made his way closer and closer to the middle of the floor where the pole was, and when he finally got to the middle, he was not happy! "Rinoa! What are you doing?!" he asked. "Oh, hi Squall! They said that I was supposed to dance on this pole and take off my clothes, but here's the best part, they give me gil for it!" Rinoa giggled. "Are you insane?! Rinoa, you have to get out of here, these guys are all married, this is wrong Rinoa." Squall said, and with that he grabbed Rinoa and pulled her off the stage. "Hey buddy put her back!" one politician yelled grabbing Squall by his shoulder. Squall punched him in the nose, "She's a minor pal, just like your daughter." Squall replied, spiting on the man. "Hurray for Squall!" Rinoa cheered, bouncing up and down. Squall pulled Rinoa over to where Laguna was, "You were looking at my girlfriend?!" he asked. "Well that wouldn't be right to say, that's past tense and I'm still looking at her, so technically-" Squall punched Laguna in the face and Laguna fell to the floor. "Come on Rinoa, we're leaving." Squall said. "Can we go to Candy Land! I love candy, the czar of Mexico only has old people candy around here." she said. "I was thinking more like your dad's house." Squall said. "Yippee! My daddy can buy us some new people candy, then we can go to my room and make out!" she cheered. Squall didn't reply to what she said, no one usually did when she rambled on like that. "Come one!" she exclaimed dragging Squall by his jacket, but just as she was, she tripped over the power cord. "Oh yeah, I forgot the signal!" Squall exclaimed. "Who turned off the damn lights?!" an angry politician asked. The lights came on, then off, on, then off again. "Rinoa! Stop screwing around with the lights and let's go!" Squall exclaimed. "OK!" she said getting up and Squall took her by the arm and drug her out of the office.  
  
Selphie swallowed hard, the room looked like it was spinning out of control. "Wow, where am I?" she asked. "We won doll face!" the politician said, looming over Selphie holding five-hundred gil in his hands. "Here you go, a deal's a deal!" he said throwing the gil onto her face. "Uhhh, suddenly I don't feel so good!" she said. Just then, Quistis and Irvine ran over to her, "Selphie, Selphie are you alright?!" Quistis asked. "Uhh, I'm fine I guess." she said letting Irvine and Quistis pick her up, "Who's hand is that?" Quistis asked, "Sorry," Irvne muttered. "Well come on, Squall flashed the signal, we've gotta go find Zell and get out of here, if Laguna finds us-" " He already knows we're here." Squall said. "Squall! Rinoa..." Irvine said coolly, "But how does he know?" Quistis asked. "Easy, I just socked him in his jaw." Squall replied, "You what?!" Quistis asked him, "Yeah, he-" Quistis punched Squall in the eye, "How could you?! He's the president of Ester, and you had to go and punch him, now where are we going to sleep tonight, because I've got news for ya, I'm not sleeping in the Raganork!" she said. "Well actually we're going to Rinoa's house." he said stiffly, "Wow, Rinoa's loaded! But what a minute, I thought General Caraway didn't like you." Irvine said as Squall got up. "He doesn't, but I've got his daughter, so he'll have to let us stay." Squall said proudly. "Oooo! Can we say that if he doesn't let us in then I'll rape Rinoa?!" Irvine asked happily. "No!" Quistis and Squall said in unison, "Can I say that I'll take graphic pictures of her body?" Irvine asked. "NO!" they said even louder, "OOO!!! Can we say that my dad'll never see me again if he doesn't let you guys stay?!" Rinoa suggested. "NO!" Irvine, Selphie, Quistis and Squall all said together.  
  
"Well here we are!" Squall said as the five of them pulled up in front of General Caraway's mansion, "Ohmygosh! I just remembered something, we left Zell in Ester!" Selphie exclaimed. "That guy needs to learn how to loosen up, I think it'll be good for him to hang out with such a pimp guy like Laguna--Westside!" Irvine said throwing up the gang sign. "I said cut that out!" Quistis said punching him in the face, "You're white-deal with it!" Quistis said as they pulled up into General Caraway's garage, "Brrr, it's cold out here!" Rinoa said shivering, "Maybe because you're only in your underwear hun." Quistis said. "Nah! That couldn't be!" Rinoa smiled. "I will kill her some day, I'll kill them all someday." Quistis muttered to herself. Everyone got out of the car and Rinoa ran up to the door step and rang the door bell. "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy! Come on open up, it's me, Rinoa!" she said as she repeatedly rang the bell. Finally General Caraway answered, "Rinoa honey, I'm so glad you're back." he said smiling, but then he looked down at her. "Rinoa! What on earth are you doing in your underwear?!" he asked. "Oh daddy, don't freak out, it's a long story, but can Squall and his friends stay here a couple days with us, Squall got into this big fight with the czar of Mexico, so now we need somewhere to stay." she explained while everyone walked in. General Caraway shut the door, "Well of course they can." the general smiled. "Thanks General Caraway." Squall said putting his hand on General Caraways shoulder, "Don't push it." General Caraway replied hatefully taking Squalls hand off of his shoulder. "Rinoa honey why don't you go and get dressed, I'll have the maids prepare dinner." her father warmly smiled. "OK daddy." Rinoa said kissing him on the cheek and giving him a hug. "Told ya he didn't like you." Irvine whispered to Squall. "Shut up." Squall replied.  
  
"Well do make yourselves at home, I'll help the maids prepare dinner." General Caraway said and briskly walked out of the room. Everyone finally relaxed, "Sigh!" "You know, I'm startin' to think that Caraway is a fag." Irvine said lazily placing himself on the arm chair. "What do you mean he's a fag? If he is, then how is Rinoa here?" Selphie asked. "I mean think about it, when Rinoa hugged him, didn't even look at her butt, and now he's going to help 'prepare' dinner, and he 'briskly' walked out of the room, come on, that guy has 'fag' written all across his forehead." Irvine said. "Well I'm gonna go check this place out, I've always wanted to know how the rich and famous live." Quistis said, and with that she left the room as well. "Yeah, this is boring, I think I'll go follow Quistis." Selphie said, and she left too. "I'm gonna check some stuff out with this 'Caraway' guy, if that's even his real name." Irvine said, and he left too. Squall sighed, "They're all hopeless." he said, "Well I'd better go find Rinoa before she kills herself." Squall said and he left the room too.  
  
Rinoa was dressed and in her mothers old room, going through photo albums, reading letters, looking at pieces of paper. "Um, hey Rinoa, did I come at a bad time?" Squall asked. "No, actually you came at the perfect time." she said in her same cheerful voice. Squall walked over to where she was and sat down beside her, "You know, I think my mom knows the czar of Mexico, because this isn't daddy's name, and I remember one time that Selphie told me that when Ellone sent you guys to see the czar of Mexico's past, that you guys saw my mom, and he was talking to her." Rinoa started, showing Squall a piece of paper that said Laguna, and it had a kiss on it. "I've also found this." she said, showing Squall numerous pictures of Julia and Laguna. "I don't believe this," Squall said looking through the pictures, "I can't believe him!" he said throwing the pictures. "Squall, it's alright." Rinoa said trying to comfort him, "I can't believe he'd do this to mom, after all these years! If he's the reason that Raine died I swear I'll kill 'em!" Squall said. "What do you mean 'mom'?" Rinoa asked. Squall looked over to her, "I thought the princess of New Zealand was the czar of Mexico's wife, how can she be your mom?" Rinoa asked standing up. "Rinoa, what the czar of Mexico-I mean-what Laguna was trying to tell us was that he's my father." Squall said standing up as well. "But, why did he put you in the orphanage then?" she innocently asked. "I don't know yet," Squall started, sitting down, "But I think I do now." he said closing his eyes. Rinoa looked at the pictures, then to Squall, then the pictures, and back to Squall. A large smile overtook Rinoa's face, then she screamed with joy, "What's wrong?!" Squall asked standing up. Rinoa grabbed his hands and began to dance around with in a circle, "Ohmygosh! Don't you know what this all means?! You're dad was with my mom, and he was with your mom too!" she started. "Don't remind me." Squall muttered under his breath, "Squall." Rinoa said stopping, "We're TWINS!" she exclaimed.  
  
"What?!" Squall started in shook, he let go of Rinoa's hands, "Rinoa, are you on acid?!" he asked. "Of course not twin." she replied, Squall grabbed her face, and looked deeply into her eyes. "Rinoa, I want you to repeat after me." he began, and Rinoa nodded very quickly. "Squall" "Squall" "Is not" "Is my twin!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down singing "Twin-Twin-Twin!". Squall caught her by the head and covered her mouth. "Rinoa, I want you to listen very carefully to me alright?" he slowly asked. Rinoa nodded very quickly. "Now, I'm going to let go of your mouth, and when I do, do you promise not to talk until I tell you to?" he asked. She nodded, "Are you?" he asked once more, then she sadly shook her head no. "OK then, Rinoa, I'm not your twin, we aren't even related because the last time Laguna ever saw your mom was five years before any of us were born, alright?" Squall said, and Rinoa nodded, "so that's impossible for us to be twins, alright?" he asked, Rinoa sadly nodded and Squall let go of her mouth. "Now come on, dinner's almost ready." he said putting his arm around Rinoa, and they left the room.  
  
Everyone but Squall, Rinoa and Irvine waited impatiently in the dinning room, they were all seated and ready to eat dinner, "Where are those three?!" Quistis started, "Dinner's getting cold!". "Yeah, and I'm hungry!" Selphie weakly moaned. Then, Squall and Rinoa walked, "Sorry we're late." he said. "You'd better be, now sit down!" Quistis said angrily. "Where's pimp-daddy-Irvine?" Rinoa asked looking around. "One, Rinoa, Irvine is not a pimp, we will never be a pimp, and two, don't call him 'pimp-daddy' that only encourages him to be a-" before Quistis could finish her sentence, Irvine ran into the dinning room. "Sorry I'm late, I just got through checking General Caraway's room for porn magazine's, did you know he doesn't have any?" he asked. Everyone, INCLUDING General Caraway turned to look at Irvine, "Oops." he said. Quistis shook her head, Squall put one hand over his eyes, Selphie put her head on the dinning room table, and Rinoa looked around in confusion, "Daddy, what's a 'porn' magazine?" she asked. 


	3. Seifer's Return

hi this is Kairi AND Quistis(yeah, she's back, finally) and we're bringing you the next part in our little FINAL FANTASY VIII series! We make them into their own people but we still don't own them or FINAL FANTASY VIII please R&R!  
  
"Irvine sit down!" Quistis exclaimed angrily, "Ey yo trick, don't be talkin' to me like you done lost yo mind, trick, you betta go make my chedda!" Irvine pathetically tried to rap. Quistis slammed her hands down on the table as she got up. "You sit down right now and I won't rip off your hands!" she exclaimed grabbing him by his ear, "Yes ma'am." Irvine said as Quistis pulled him to his seat, which was conveniently right next to her. "I think we should all say grace." Selphie said peacefully, General Caraway coughed, "Um I don't think you know any Catholic appropriate prayers do you?" Rinoa asked. "You're Catholic  
  
?!" Quistis asked in shock. "Of course I am, before mom died I wasn't but after she did, Daddy and I converted!" she said. "I didn't even know that she knew a word that big." Squall mumbled. "What's 'converted' mean?" Irvine asked. Just as Rinoa was about to explain, a car began to loudly honk outside, everyone, but General Caraway, ran to the window. "It's the czar of Mexico!" Rinoa cheered, "And he brought Zell with him." Quistis sighed. Everyone, but General Caraway, ran outside to the car, "Czar of Mexico, how did you know that we'd be here?" Rinoa asked as they all crowded around Laguna's car. "Squall told me that you all would be here, plus you left that manic-depressed kid at my house." he replied dully, "Life sucks." Zell muttered. Everyone laughed, "Hey, you wanna come on in, there's no porn, but if you're here maybe thing'll liven up!" Irvine exclaimed. "Yeah, yeah!" they exclaimed pulling Laguna out of his car, "No I couldn't!" Laguna said modestly, "No come on!" the happy children replied still pulling him out of his car and dragging him to the front door, "Daddy!" Rinoa started. "The czar of Mexico is here!" she said, General Caraway happily walked into the room, "'Happily' Squall?" Irvine whispered, "Will you shut up, General Caraway is not gay!" he hissed. "And look, the czar of Mexico knows mom! See!" Rinoa said showing him the pictures of Laguna and Julia. General Caraway flipped through the pictures, one was of them walking around in the court yard of their mansion, another was them sharing ice cream at the Delling City parade, and another was of Laguna strapped to a bed wearing tight leather pants, and Julia wearing a leather mask and dominatrix' outfit. "What is the meaning of all this?!" General Caraway asked throwing the pictures to the floor, "I didn't see that one." Irvine said trying to get a better view of the picture.  
  
"I propose a duel, tomorrow at sundown czar of Mexico!" General Caraway said drawing his long sword, "Um, it's really cute when Rinoa calls me the 'czar of Mexico', but when you do it it's just plain gay." Laguna started, Irvine gave Squall a look, "He's not gay Irvine, so just drop it!" Squall whispered, "My name is Laguna Lorie, I'm the president of Ester, I did know your wife, we were just friends." Laguna said. "That's not what those pictures are sayin'." Irvine whispered to Squall, "Will you leave me alone?!" Squall hissed. "Listen man, your wife was a good woman, but she's dead now, so technically we'd just be-" "Enough!" General Caraway exclaimed, "We are having a duel tomorrow whether you like it or not!-no guns, no staff's-SWORDS- and we're going to settle things once and for all!" General Caraway said poking Laguna in the chest. Irvine looked at Squall again, "Irvine--stop it!" he whispered. "Does that mean I can't have any dinner?" Laguna asked. "Of course not, come right in, we were just about to start." General Caraway said leading everyone into the dinning room, but when they all reached the door they stopped, Seifer was there and he had eaten all the food. "Hey where'd you come from?!" Irvine asked. "Who cares where he came from, he's here and he's safe, and that's all that really matters!" Rinoa exclaimed running over to Seifer to give him a hug. "What?!" Squall started as he watched his girlfriend give his arch-rival a hug, then he ran over to them, "Um, Rinoa, aren't you forgetting what this guy's done to you?!" Squall asked. Rinoa let go of Seifer and looked at Squall, "What do you mean?" she asked in a confused tone. "Remember?! He tried to junction you onto some crazed killer sorceress--he DID junction you onto some crazed killer sorceress!" Squall exclaimed. "But he's changed." Rinoa said, "Rinoa, this your first time actually SEEING him after he did that, how would you know that he's changed?!" Squall asked. "Well, I don't, but I think he has." Rinoa smiled, looking at Seifer. "Relax Rinoa, he's just jealous because you like me more than him." Seifer started looking at Squall. "Yeah, that could be it." she said, "WHAT?!" Squall furiously shouted, "Well, he is cuter than you, and he's taller, and you have that funny looking scar on your face." Rinoa said. "So does he!" Squall pointed out(no really, he pointed at Seifer's forehead). "Mine is a battle wound." Seifer said proudly. "IT'S THE SAME THING!!!" Squall shouted from the top of his lungs.  
  
"No it's not, yours is all nasty looking, Seifer takes care of his." Rinoa giggled. "Rinoa--IT'S THE SAME THING! He has a scar and so do I, they're no different!" Squall exclaimed. "OK Squall, why don't we have a duel, tomorrow at sundown, no guns, no staff's--just gunblades!" Seifer said getting into Squalls' face, "You're on!" Squall said getting into Seifers'. "Does that mean our duel thingy is canceled?" Laguna asked. "Of course not, we can have ours before theirs', don't worry." General Caraway said patting Laguna on the cheek and walking into the kitchen, Laguna followed him, and the children gathered around Seifer and Squall. "Seifer Almasy, so when did you finally decide to come back into the picture?" Quistis folding her arms. "As soon as the that sorceress crap was over, it was getting really boring." he said, "You're just saying that because you lost." Squall taunted. "Think what you like Squall, but keep this in mind-- I've got your girlfriend." Seifer said to Squall, narrowing his eyes at him. "I always thought that you and Ellone would make a good couple, even when we were at the orphanage." Selphie commented. "Yeah, Ellone had it goin' on yo!" Irvine exclaimed throwing up the Westside sign. "Life sucks, but Selfie's got a point." Zell said. "Then it's settled." Seifer started standing up putting his arm around Rinoa, "Yeah, tomorrow at sundown, you and me, winner takes Rinoa!" Squall exclaimed.  
  
Announcer: What will be the outcome of Squall and Seifer's duel? And even if Squall wins, will Rinoa even want him?!  
  
Will Irvine ever realize that he's not black?!  
  
Will Quistis stop PMSing?!  
  
All that and more will be answered in the next part of Final Fantasy VIII! 


End file.
